Blowjobs don’t get the greatest depictions in the media, especially in porn. There’s lots of mouth-fucking, forced gagging, and getting ejaculated on, but in real life, blowjobs can be an incredibly fun experience for the giver. Here’s how to give a great blowjob and enjoy it at the same time.
On average, men take three to five minutes to orgasm, so you don’t usually need to worry about finding a position that will be comfortable for the long haul. Still, you want to find a position that feels good for you. It’s generally easiest to be on your knees (put a blanket or pillow underneath if you’re on a hard surface), in between their legs. He can be sitting on the edge of the bed or sofa (he can lie back if he wants), or standing. Being able to watch is an extremely hot part of the process, so it’s nice to give them a good view. You can even position yourselves in front of a mirror if you really want to play up the voyeuristic aspect, so both of you can watch.
Get right to it
You can warm up a bit by rubbing their dick over their underwear with your hand, but try to get to work relatively quickly. Most men I’ve spoken with don’t like an excessive amount of teasing, and it can even feels a little uncomfortable or ticklish. If you’re going to tease, try slipping a tongue or finger beneath the waistband of their underwear before pulling them off, or holding their dick in your hand while you ask them what they want you to do with it.
If he’s not fully hard right after you take off their clothes, take advantage of the situation by taking their entire penis into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it while he grows bigger. It might be the only time you’re able to get the full thing in your mouth, so have fun. If he’s already erect, start at the base of their penis and make a few long, slow licks from the base to the tip. Keep your tongue broad and flat.
Find your rhythm in your basic movement
Once you’re ready to get down to business, you’ll want to get their dick nice and wet and establish a good baseline technique. Slide your mouth up and down their penis a few times, keeping your tongue pressed against the underside of their dick. You want to try to maintain a tight seal with your mouth, without allowing any contact with your teeth. Try to gather up as much saliva as you can, and slowly let it fall out of your mouth as you traverse their dick. Don’t worry about getting too sloppy at this point; the wetter the better.
Once you’ve gotten them lubed up, use your hand and mouth in tandem. Most people’s mouths aren’t big enough to accommodate an average-sized penis, so your hand is essential for coverage. Use it to stimulate the majority of the shaft, and your mouth to stimulate the head. The shaft tends to be the least-sensitive part of the penis, so you can use more pressure than you might think. The head of the penis is much more fine-tuned to stimulation, so your warm, wet mouth will be gladly welcomed. Firmly wrap your dominant hand around the base of their penis, like you’re giving it a good handshake. Bring your lips down to meet your hand. Pretend that your mouth and your fist are glued together, and move up and down their penis for a minute or two. This will be your standard move that you can return to at any point.
Get the balls involved
The testicles are often criminally neglected during oral. As soon as you feel comfortable with your basic technique, start paying some attention to the balls. You can do this with either your hand or your mouth.
First, take their entire scrotum into your non-dominant hand. Testicles are sensitive, so you’ll need to find a good balance between grasping firmly enough (too light will feel ticklish), and not being too rough. Roll the balls around in your hand while you continue sucking dick. Give the whole sack a few soft tugs. Then try focusing on their balls with your mouth. Keep your hand going on their penis as you lick all around their testicles with a broad, flat tongue. Try taking each ball in your mouth for a minute. You can also try licking in between the balls, going all the way from the back of their scrotum to the front.
Explore other techniques
Once you’ve settled into your basic stroke, it’s time to shake things up a bit. Most men enjoy variety during a blowjob, but just like with cunnilingus, everyone likes different things. Use this exploratory time to try to get a sense of what he enjoys best. Try out two different techniques and ask them, “what do you like better? This? Or this?” Or pay attention to moaning or to the way your partner’s body moves to get a sense of what’s working.
Here are some things to try:
- Try moving your tongue around on the underside of the penis while you do your basic up-and-down maneuver.
- Spend a little time focusing on the frenulum, which is the seam on the underside of their penis. For many, this is the most sensitive area. Make your tongue pointy, and lick up and down or side to side.
- Try sucking directly on the frenulum itself.
- Hold the base of the penis in your hand while you move your lips back and forth over the ridge between the head of the penis and shaft. You’ll only need to move about an inch.
- Do the basic stroke with your hand and mouth, but turn your wrist back and forth as you move up and down.
- Gently slap the penis on your tongue. This is a good move to try if your jaw needs a little break.
- For a longer respite, you can rub your partner’s dick over your lips, face, or breasts (if you have ‘em).
- Alternate between using just your mouth and using just your hand.
You’ll want to try out a few different things, but there’s no need to maniacally careen through 50 techniques in one sitting. Take your time exploring.
Go for the asshole
It’s sad enough that the balls get so overlooked, but what really brings a tear to my eye is all of those poor neglected buttholes out there. Gay men are usually clued in to the magic of the asshole, but straight men can often be more squeamish; the anus is still pretty taboo in our society, but it’s past time we all get over it. Your asshole feels good, people.
Still, I recommend getting explicit permission from your partner instead of just gunning for their butt. If your partner is a little shy or unsure, try stimulating the perineum, which is the strip of skin between the balls and asshole (otherwise known as the taint, or grundle). It’s not the asshole itself, so your partner may feel more comfortable being stimulated there. The perineum usually responds best to firm pressure, so try pressing a single knuckle into that area. You can try kneading the skin with your knuckle, or you can simply exert pressure.
If your partner is up for anal play, you’ll need to use some lube. I think silicone lube works best in this instance. Put a dab on your pointer finger, and slowly run your finger up and down your partner’s crack. Depending on how much hair is back there, it might take a few tries to actually locate the asshole, but once you’ve found it, you can simply press your fingertip against the opening. If your partner pushes their hips against your hand, try slowly inserting your finger. You don’t need to go in that far; even just an inch or two works. Gently slide your finger in and out.
If you’ve got this down, you can go for the gold standard of great blowjobs—a finger in the asshole, the remaining fingers of that hand wrapped around the balls, the other hand on the dick, and the dick in the mouth. Expect a blown load in no time. Seriously, anal play can really speed things up.
Decide what comes after
Ah, the age old swallow or spit debate. One of my bottom lines as a sex therapist is that we all get to make our own decisions about what feels right for our sex lives. If you’re genuinely uncomfortable with swallowing, keep a box of tissues nearby and discretely spit into them when finished. If your partner is into being messy, you can make a show of it by letting the semen slip out of your mouth and onto them.
I’d also invite the spitters out there to consider the Golden Rule. How would you feel watching your partner leap up right after you were finished, and try to get rid of your juices as quickly as possible? It would be hard not to feel self-conscious about your genitals, and we all have enough of that already, don’t we? Genital fluids aren’t meant to taste incredible, but all we’re talking about is a quick swallow of a few teaspoons. Plus, it can quickly turn into an acquired taste.
Enthusiasm is king
If there’s one tip you should walk away from this entire article with, it’s that enthusiasm is the best quality in an incredible blowjob. There’s nothing better than knowing your partner is genuinely enjoying having your dick in their mouth.
One of the most effective ways you can show your enthusiasm is by initiating the blowjob. Surprise them when he walks in the door or when he wakes up in the morning. If you’re sitting around watching another Netflix marathon, tell them, “you know, I’d rather have your dick in my mouth right now.” When you’re out at dinner, whisper, “can we please get out of here? I need to wrap my lips around your dick as soon as possible.” Keep that enthusiasm going once you’re mid blowjob. Moan loudly and energetically. Look them in the eyes and smile. Take their penis out of your mouth and rub it all over your body. Keep telling them how hot it makes you to be pleasuring them.
You’ll know when you’ve really turned a corner with your blowjob technique when you do genuinely enjoy it. Because really, is there any better feeling than knowing you’re fully in control of bringing an exquisite amount of pleasure to someone else?
This story was originally published in July 2015 and was updated on February 11, 2021 to meet Lifehacker style guidelines.